Posts Tagged ‘Melanoma’

Taking ownership of the cancer you’ve got is part of the counselling I have had.

Really, it sounds ridiculous but Learning to say even silently “my Cancer”  does help one accept the having of it.

I did seek the advice of a psychiatrist. Basically he told me there was nothing wrong with me psychologically, I had the bad luck to have cancer & it was up to me to learn to live with it. ****!

I don’t think I can even remember the roller coaster ride of emotions I have ridden since being diagnosed with Melanoma. I have been alone & listened to music I could sing along and cry with. I have been mad as hell and wanted to find someone or something to blame. I have wondered what did I do wrong that I must go through this suffering? Feeling sorry for myself doesn’t last too long. I/ you wouldn’t be human if you didn’t have moments of doubt and sadness.

I haven’t dealt fairly with the ongoing challenge of living with a supposed death sentence. Every doctors visit is fraught with anxiety. Every blood and urine test might mean things have changed for the worse in your body. Every new symptom or ailment needs investigating. It gets really, really tiresome. You can only share so much with your significant other, husband, boyfriend, girlfriend, wife, friend, parent. After a while you feel really alone because you get really tired of explaining the latest findings to someone, anyone. Not only that but you do feel that it is your job not to make any more worry or stress for that other person in your life.

After almost 10 years of what most people would describe as remission I had a new scare- (more…)


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Getting past the initial shock and horror of a cancer diagnosis  is not easy. My parents weren’t really well and were gone as “Snowbirds” to Florida I decided I wouldn’t tell them right away. That left them out as part of the support network you might think of. The decision to keep the Big C from the children wasn’t even debatable in our case. Being told that you will die within the next 10 years simply meant making those 10 years the best possible years you could give to those much loved kids. We were there when a friend’s wife died leaving a 13 year old daughter motherless & it was just inconceivable to me that I leave my kids at the age when they most needed me.

Melanoma is a cancer that can travel to innumerable parts of the body. Lungs, lymph, brain, bone, skin – other organs. The nightmare for the patient is not knowing where to look, not knowing what part of your body will be affected.  There is probably not a part of my body that hasn’t been scanned, xrayed, utrasounded, or looked at in some way or another. It would take a whole other blog to discuss why a public health system like we have in Canada is so necessary for equitable treatment for all. I have spent countless hours year after year being scanned, injected & prodded in cold sterile medical rooms. After a while it becomes comforting being there knowing that the technician who is only doing his or her job is hopefully keeping you one step further from the grave. I have been astounded at how warm and kind most people working in the field of cancer treatment and diagnosis are.

After what seemed like an interminable wait I attended my appointment with the Oncologist. While the prognosis wasn’t good and keeping track of the progress of the disease seemed to be the most important thing; I did as my family doctor suggested and asked for adjuvant chemotherapy with Ergamisol/ Levamisole. OK the Oncologist said BUT most people don’t stay the course. (more…)

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Feeling like a chicken shit. I have been reading Lisa Ray’s blog http://lisaraniray.wordpress.com/  and I think I’ve missed the boat. I started this blog to inspire and inform my kids or others with inquiring minds about all kinds of “Stuff.”

I never intended to get personal and reveal too much about myself – what would be the point?  Well I’m thinking that if there is something I have to say that will help someone else on a similar journey maybe I ought to stop hiding and get on board. I mean it seems selfish having beaten the odds not to share that fact. (more…)

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