Taking ownership of the cancer you’ve got is part of the counselling I have had.

Really, it sounds ridiculous but Learning to say even silently “my Cancer”  does help one accept the having of it.

I did seek the advice of a psychiatrist. Basically he told me there was nothing wrong with me psychologically, I had the bad luck to have cancer & it was up to me to learn to live with it. ****!

I don’t think I can even remember the roller coaster ride of emotions I have ridden since being diagnosed with Melanoma. I have been alone & listened to music I could sing along and cry with. I have been mad as hell and wanted to find someone or something to blame. I have wondered what did I do wrong that I must go through this suffering? Feeling sorry for myself doesn’t last too long. I/ you wouldn’t be human if you didn’t have moments of doubt and sadness.

I haven’t dealt fairly with the ongoing challenge of living with a supposed death sentence. Every doctors visit is fraught with anxiety. Every blood and urine test might mean things have changed for the worse in your body. Every new symptom or ailment needs investigating. It gets really, really tiresome. You can only share so much with your significant other, husband, boyfriend, girlfriend, wife, friend, parent. After a while you feel really alone because you get really tired of explaining the latest findings to someone, anyone. Not only that but you do feel that it is your job not to make any more worry or stress for that other person in your life.

After almost 10 years of what most people would describe as remission I had a new scare- Continue Reading »


Getting past the initial shock and horror of a cancer diagnosis  is not easy. My parents weren’t really well and were gone as “Snowbirds” to Florida I decided I wouldn’t tell them right away. That left them out as part of the support network you might think of. The decision to keep the Big C from the children wasn’t even debatable in our case. Being told that you will die within the next 10 years simply meant making those 10 years the best possible years you could give to those much loved kids. We were there when a friend’s wife died leaving a 13 year old daughter motherless & it was just inconceivable to me that I leave my kids at the age when they most needed me.

Melanoma is a cancer that can travel to innumerable parts of the body. Lungs, lymph, brain, bone, skin – other organs. The nightmare for the patient is not knowing where to look, not knowing what part of your body will be affected.  There is probably not a part of my body that hasn’t been scanned, xrayed, utrasounded, or looked at in some way or another. It would take a whole other blog to discuss why a public health system like we have in Canada is so necessary for equitable treatment for all. I have spent countless hours year after year being scanned, injected & prodded in cold sterile medical rooms. After a while it becomes comforting being there knowing that the technician who is only doing his or her job is hopefully keeping you one step further from the grave. I have been astounded at how warm and kind most people working in the field of cancer treatment and diagnosis are.

After what seemed like an interminable wait I attended my appointment with the Oncologist. While the prognosis wasn’t good and keeping track of the progress of the disease seemed to be the most important thing; I did as my family doctor suggested and asked for adjuvant chemotherapy with Ergamisol/ Levamisole. OK the Oncologist said BUT most people don’t stay the course. Continue Reading »

Biosolid Shite

Please whatever you do even if you never read anything else I write, please read about Sewage Sludge A.K.A. biosolids. What are biosolids? If you want to believe the government, any government ((at all levels) Canadian, American, UK, Australian…. it doesn’t really matter)) propaganda biosolids are “nutrient rich organic material produced by treating wastewater solids.”  What biosolids really are is sewage sludge produced from wastewater containing a combination of industrial, commercial, hospital, and household contaminants that is routed through municipal sewage treatment plants. The U.S. EPA’s most recent Sewage Sludge Survey (January 2009) Briefly, the survey found that:

  • Nitrite/nitrate, fluoride and water-extractable phosphorus were found in every sample.
  • 27 metals were found in virtually every sample, with one metal (antimony) found in no less than 72 samples.
  • Of the six semivolatile organics and polycyclic aromatic hydrocarbons, four were found in at least 72 samples, one was found in 63 samples, and one was found in 39 samples.
  • Of the 72 pharmaceuticals, three (i.e., cyprofloxacin, diphenhydramine, and triclocarban) were found in all 84 samples and nine were found in at least 80 of the samples. However, 15 pharmaceuticals were not found in any sample and 29 were found in fewer than three samples.
  • Of the 25 steroids and hormones, three steroids (i.e., campesterol, cholestanol, and coprostanol) were found in all 84 samples and six steroids were found in at least 80 of the samples. One hormone (i.e., 17a-ethynyl estradiol) was not found in any sample and five hormones were found in fewer than six samples.
  • All of the flame retardants except one (BDE-138) were found in nearly every sample; BDE-138 was found in 56 out of 84 samples.

From:  – http://www.epa.gov/waterscience/biosolids/tnsss-fs.html

Serious health problems have been directly linked to the land application of sewage sludge, sludge that is no different than that which the your town or city is giving away to the people. . Rarely, if ever has the public been sold such a huge lie. The truth is, that what to do with wastewater solids is such a huge problem the whole world over that there is tacit agreement to keep all policy discussions couched in such deceptive language that red flags won’t pop up for the average Joe. I am not an intellectual snob by any means, I am not dissing anyone; I know as a 50-year-old woman who until recently worked long hours & couldn’t conceive of spending time after taking care of job and family to spend hours reading about issues such as sewage sludge. It is hard I know as a working Mom or Dad to be involved & engaged in environmental issues. My hat goes off to those who are able to make a commitment to socially and environmentally relevant issues. My work was environmentally significant therefore my contribution was made. How naïve I was!!! I could kick myself now for leaving it up to others to carry the torch for those things I consider important. Family, health, job are all dependant on a habitable planet. Watch this space for more info on biosolid/ sewage sludge.

Its been a heavy day- I just thought of the perfect thing to make me feel better

Music- I went to Youtube and listened to one of my favourites: Katie Melua and her song Nine Million Bicycles check it out! 4,248,789 views to date. Pretty impressive for a young woman most of us haven’t heard of.

Kitty bell

Watch a clip from this award winning documentary.  Film available to order from the National Film Board of Canada.

Crapshoot: The Gamble with our Wastes

While scientists warn of links between sewage practices and potential health risks, activists, engineers and concerned citizens challenge our fundamental attitudes to waste. Does our need to dispose of waste take precedence over public safety? What are the alternatives?


Feeling like a chicken shit. I have been reading Lisa Ray’s blog http://lisaraniray.wordpress.com/  and I think I’ve missed the boat. I started this blog to inspire and inform my kids or others with inquiring minds about all kinds of “Stuff.”

I never intended to get personal and reveal too much about myself – what would be the point?  Well I’m thinking that if there is something I have to say that will help someone else on a similar journey maybe I ought to stop hiding and get on board. I mean it seems selfish having beaten the odds not to share that fact. Continue Reading »

The author of ‘The Omnivore’s Dilemma” and “In Defense of Food” Michael Pollan whose golden rule is one worth living by as much as one is able- “Eat food. Not too much. Mostly plants.” answers questions from readers about how the Eater’s Manifesto should be interpreted by people who live in a cold climate.  The answers are one’s that many of us struggle with. Should I buy local when the only organic product available has been shipped from another country or continent?  Read the article for Michael Pollan’s answer. What would you do?